| Stuff and things |
[Apr. 29th, 2008|10:51 pm] |
Today I decided to say no to myself. No to caffeine at the start of the day. No to a little bit of this and a little bit of that when I was out shopping for a specific thing. No to feeling guilty when I had a small non-vegan lunch thing. No to a pizza delivery when I awoke from a nap feeling hungry. ( Want to know what I had for dinner? )
Despite not having caffeine my anxiety was pretty bad, but maybe it would have been worse with caffeine. Someone told me my bag was open (I knew it was, it is difficult to close and anyway only contained two carrier bags and a bottle of water), and I replied to them by saying 'blah blah blah blah blah blah blah' with a blank/panicked look on my face. I could do with a coupe of hours at the sauna I think.
Do you remember that letter that I've been pestering my psychiatrist's secretary to send to me? Well I found it under a pile of junk mail today. D'oh. I applied for a Freedom Pass, don't know how long that will take.
Good stuff:
Said no to myself
Walked for 2.7 miles
Cooked a healthy meal
Did admin
Washed up, put away afterwards
Had reassurance from ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) flippac |
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| Do you get on a worry wheel too? |
[Apr. 11th, 2008|09:39 am] |
I have been worrying about getting home contents insurance for the last few months. I'm on a little worry wheel about it, which goes like this: ( Read more... )
¹ British Telecom, my telephone and Internet provider, are the worst offender. I'd complain, only they'd only bloody challenge my identity when I was doing that! (They repeatedly challenge my identity each phonecall, it takes me several minutes to convince them that I am who I say I am, and sometimes they just don't believe me but continue with the call anyway whilst calling me Ma'am and Mrs Lastname.) I could always do it in writing I suppose. |
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| Argh! |
[Apr. 8th, 2008|12:52 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | admin, name change, trans | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | How I Could Kill A Man - Rage Against The Machine (on last.fm) | ] |
Flipping name-change admin! I am flipping sick of it! The NHS won't accept my name change until I've got my doctor to tell them about it, and it's just another admin task that I could do without. I forgot about my NHS card that I left with my GPs receptionist to have filled in by the doctor, I'll pick it up later today and sort it out. I hope I don't have to make an appointment with a doctor just for this.
I got another letter in the post from the NHS addressed to Ms old name. It's been over a year since I changed it legally. Why couldn't the bod at my local NHS trust have told me the flipping correct procedure in the first place? Grr. Anyway, I did bloody tell my previous GP of my new name, they took a copy of my statutory declaration. Bloody failings in bureaucracy.
I'll spend myself a bus pass-worth of Oyster today probably. Grr. Want Freedom Pass back ASAP plz k thankx. Grr.
Now I shall get dressed and do *angry walk* to Camden. Dentist addresses me correctly. |
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| With strength comes action |
[Mar. 14th, 2008|12:37 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | admin, happy, trans | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  determined | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Anyone Else But You - The Moldy Peaches | ] |
I managed to cancel a subscription using the phone. That's always awkward; under the Data Protection Act they want to make sure that they're talking to the account holder, and one of the main ways most companies/agencies seem to do that is to figure out if you sound like the sex that you purport to be. I don't. My standard response is now 'I'm transsexual, please don't discriminate against me.' That always puts them on the defensive. Ha. This stuff is very awkward for me. I spent six months to a year paying £4.99 a month because I was too scared to go through the questioning of my right to speak on behalf of Nye [lastname]. Bring on the T!
Regarding the difficult medical stuff I've been getting sorted recently: the reason I've been able to do it is because I feel optimistic about the future, strong, happy. I'm so positive about the possibility of getting various medical transition stuff done on the NHS. So I can do various things that I find very hard, because it's easier to care about myself when I'm happy. Sorting out difficult admin stuff is the same. The difficult medical stuff has been very draining, and had made me feel temporarily unhappy, but I can feel the force of the upward direction underneath everything. Man, I hope I'm not going to have a major emotional crash sometime after getting all the medical transition things done that I want. However, I can bear to think about the future, and that is a very new thing.
I made a vague decision to go on holiday to something in addition to BiCon. I'd like to go on some sort of activity holiday or course that is all planned out and involves limited planning from me. There are a lot of other things I need to spend money on before I spend money on a holiday, but I can save up for it. I haven't been on a holiday in around ten years. I'm going to write a post about money/saving/prioritising/budgeting another time. |
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| Omg eleventy one11!! they're taking away our freedom rite? |
[Mar. 14th, 2008|10:43 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | admin, lj, tech | ] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my sofa | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nag Nag Nag Nag - Art Brut | ] |
I think I need to back up my journal*. I am not reacting like the title of my post, but if LiveJournal falls apart I really do want archives of stuff that I've written over the last three years, plus a new place to go. But is there anywhere as good as LJ? I like the networking aspect of it, the ability to friends-lock posts, the having a list of blogs to read at the click of a button, there being lots of bisexuals. Also, I do most of my socialising online and most of that I do on LJ.
I know it'll be around for a while at least.
* I do not know how to do this. I want something that is easy to figure out, I don't mind if it takes quite a long time to do. Would a personal website work? I wouldn't want to lose the thing that my journal was backed onto (eg. a series of discs). |
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| Thoughts/worries |
[Feb. 18th, 2008|01:13 pm] |
My first appointment at Charing Cross gender clinic is on Thursday, and I'm trying to avoid getting too nervous. I'm meeting up with a few people this week, that should help a bit. Hm, I need to experiment with having early nights/mornings, as the appointment is 9.30am on the other side of London. Possibly could do with a better alarm.
I'm also getting nervous about other stuff. My freedom pass form asks for info from my psychiatrist as well as my GP, and I don't think she'll be onside with me. She makes me feel really nervous and lacking in power. Because she only sees me for half an hour a year, or less, she doesn't know all of my problems. I can't remember whether or not I've talked to her about what happens when I'm walking and feeling aggressive, I don't think I have. She doesn't have room in her schedule for me to bother her, and I am too scared to tackle her on my own. If I had a community psychiatric nurse or social worker I could get help from them, but I don't. The CAB said that I could try and fight to get one, but I feel exhausted by all the stuff I have to do at the moment. My admin to-do list is building up and up, and I feel so stressed. I'm thinking of asking for help about this. I'm ok at helping other people through this kind of thing, but when it's my stuff it's different.
Living outside of supported accommodation means that I have to rely on my own resources. Now that my DLA is stable at a reasonable rate, I can actually pay someone to help me if that is necessary. |
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| Who am I? |
[Feb. 15th, 2008|02:28 pm] |
In other name-change news, my Primary Care Trust¹ still doesn't have me down by my legal name a year after I informed them of my legal name change. I gave them a copy of my Statutory Declaration and everything! I'm going to complain.
¹ An administrative part of the National Health Service. |
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| Admin and procrastination. |
[Feb. 15th, 2008|02:11 pm] |
I needed to do A, then B, then C. I can't do C if I haven't done A and B. The prospect of having to do A, B and C is so daunting I have failed to do A. This is true with getting my printer fixed, viewing my credit report, and more importantly, renewing my Freedom Pass¹.
I changed my name a year ago, and haven't informed the bit of Camden Council that deals with Freedom Passes. I don't have a passport in either my old name or my new name. I haven't informed the Freedom Pass people at Camden Council that I've moved because of the ABC thing as described above. Today I will go and visit the council department in person (it's in the next street to me) with my freedom pass, my Statutory Declaration², and proof of my new address. I *hope* they haven't sent the forms to my old address already, if they have that will mean a) it's in my old name and b) it won't get to me in time and I might be without the Freedom Pass for a couple of weeks.
Procrastination truly is the thief of time.
I wrote this and then went down to the Accessible Transport Service to start to sort things out. I need a report from my psychiatrist as well as my doctor, I don't know how I'm going to sort that out right now. I found a nice TV schoolgirl story and relaxed that way ;-) I bought some schoolgirl shoes too! *Must* source a uniform or something like a uniform that fits. Maybe a wig too.
¹ Free use of public transport in London; 24/7 for buses and tubes, after 9.30am for trains. I get this because I have a disability and applied for it.
² Sworn statement regarding my name change witnessed by a solicitor. |
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| Scary Admin |
[Jan. 28th, 2008|12:37 pm] |
I need to put some of my important tasks up on mychores and get them done. The main one is to get the CAB to help me to write a letter to my psychiatrist telling her about my DLA appeal and asking for her assistance. I am rather scared of my psych. Hopefully I'm going to make it to the CAB after I've had my second coffee, but I'm still in my nightwear. I'll put it up as a task for today, if I don't do it today mychores will ask me to do it tomorrow/the next day etc.
I'll aim to get there for 2pm, I don't want to go at lunch time.
Has anyone (in London) got a spare mouse they could lend me before I get myself a trackball thingy? I need to get one before I get something fixed. If I could pick it up from your home/work/mutually convenient meeting place that'd be good: I don't want to have to wait until the next B.U./poly meet. |
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[Jan. 15th, 2008|08:10 am] |
Will not be late for registering with GP surgery (seeing nurse in half an hour or so)...
*prods self* |
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| Blah blah blah |
[Dec. 8th, 2007|10:38 am] |
I'm going to the climate change march¹ in a bit, followed by vicki_t_veg's party. I'm not worried about the party because I'm really familiar with Vicki's house and it doesn't seem like it'll be a big deal. I've been charged with bringing the game we played at my unbirthday party. Also (and this is a really good thing) some of the coping mechanisms I'm using for social anxiety are really working, and I'm not having that 'omg, what if everyone suddenly hates me and I say something totally stupid' thing that I used to get a lot for social occasions.
I got some mostly unfun mail this morning.
1. Letter from my doctors' surgery saying my blood test came back with high cholesterol and low blood sugar. The high cholesterol isn't surprising, but it's the first time I've been tested for it. I'm dreading the conversation about it: they'll tell me to change my diet, I'll tell them I know what foods are healthy and what aren't but I'll ask them *how* I moderate my diet and they will come up a blank whilst lecturing me. I love fatty food, and I don't really love myself; it's hard to avoid instant gratification when the idea of dyeing² early actually appeals. The low blood sugar is likely to be explained by me drinking a bottle of wine the night before the blood test. I think I need to repeat that bit (not the drinking!) I don't know the numbers on either of them until I pop into the surgery. The letter was addressed to my old address, I haven't told them I've moved yet. I live the same distance away from the surgery as I did when I lived in Oakley Square, but because I'm in a different postcode I have to find a different surgery. So that means delayed letters for a time. At some point I have to bite the bullet and change doctors, but I have to go through a chain of actions³ first and I'm dithering. Also, I need someone to write a letter to the DWP who knows me, and getting a new GP won't help with that.
2. Water bill for £22 (for just over a month)! That sounds like a lot of money to me, it's one of those 'estimated' bills. I need to locate my water meter and call the water company up. I have a shower every other day, flush the toilet only when needed, don't do enough washing up and do laundry one or two times a fortnight, so I don't think it should be that high.
3. This is a good one: a letter of apology from my housing association for getting my title wrong on one occasion, following a letter of complaint from me. I'm out to them to avoid confusion and irritation, but the person who met with me when I signed my tenancy didn't do the right sort of paperwork.
¹ I know most marches don't achieve much, but I really enjoy them. I like the feeling of solidarity; I hope that doesn't sound too shallow.
² I'm keeping that spelling error as it amuses me
³ i. Decide whether I want to keep my psychiatrist or run the risk of being assigned another one; if I'm not fussed which one I get allocated it doesn't matter which doctors' surgery I register with. ii. If I do want to keep her I have to call up and find out what surgeries she deals with, IIRC they are the ones closer to Gower Street than Gray's Inn Road. I may well end up getting a doctor that is further away than my current one, which strikes me as ironic because the reason I have to move surgeries is so that I am near to the surgery in the event of an emergency. Bloody bureaucracy and postcodes! iii. Make a shortlist of doctors' surgeries and find one that will take me and register with them. This step has a lot of different steps to it, but I'm trying not to worry about that right now. |
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[Nov. 21st, 2007|06:04 pm] |
I was at Nationwide for 40 minutes or so. It was sort of ok, but I resent having to prove my tranniness in order to have my title changed to Mr. I showed them the only letter I have from Dr Curtis, which is really flipping personal; I didn't want to pay extra to get him to write a simple letter, I figured it was worth using the original letter to avoid hassle/shelling out more money. ( Tedious things I did in Camden Town )
I suppose I am writing about this tedious stuff because it was rather hard to get out of the house and do it all.
I haz a sticker!
Thanks Aimee :-) |
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| Warning: I shall be posting frequently over the next few days/weeks |
[Aug. 9th, 2007|10:11 am] |
( ...but I shall often put 'argh, moving, admin, argh' posts behind a cut )
Edit: I have just lugged 4 piles of boxes up three flights of stairs and feel accomplished but knackered. I'd left those free boxes in the hall overnight, I was just too shattered to do anything with them. Now a rest, then on to Camden High Street and the building society. Meeting my keyworker this afternoon for a de-brief. |
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| List of agencies/companies I will have to inform of/prove my change of name to |
[Feb. 15th, 2007|11:02 am] |
( Oh frell ) |
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lonely
horny